I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
