Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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