I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
