She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
