2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
