I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
