Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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