what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so much tequila, so little girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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