It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
