all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
