it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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