So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
