In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I deserve this hangover.
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