Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
