Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The best revenge is premature balding
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
