fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
