It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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