Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
