true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Farmville is her only friend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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