Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
