It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
