He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
