It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
