I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize