so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
