I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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