I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize