i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
