whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
