I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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