How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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