A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
