Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
