What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
