And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
