tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
