hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
