It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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