We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize