You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
