Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
