That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
