No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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