she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
