school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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