discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
