I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
