I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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