she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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