; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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