Cold hands, warm shart.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So much rum. So many feels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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