You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
did i walk over a car last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
