I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
