i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
