i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize