when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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