he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
