One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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