bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
