I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
