Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk is not a location!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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