I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
