so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
