in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My balls are so social today.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
