i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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