Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
