3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize