Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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