THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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