We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize