Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
