So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize