Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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