i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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