Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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